1001 Truisms!

( Proverbs-Maxims-Adages-Aphorisms-Cliches and 'Wise Old Sayings'. )

1.  I don't give a tinker's damn about (insert person/place/thing here). - Olde English expression. Tinkers were tinsmiths, and when they repaired a crack or hole in a pot or kettle, they'd solder it (or braize it) with a mixture of copper and tin -- bronze, actually. And to hold the molten metal in place while it cooled, they'd make a dam (out of lead and tin, I think) around the broken area. That was a "tinker's dam". And because it was made out of cheap metal, it wasn't worth much
 
 
2. (That guy is the kind of person who...) if you have a big house, his house is bigger. If you have a fast car, his car is faster. If you have a black cat, his cat is blacker.
 
3. That's why they make chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla.
 
4. No truer than the miracles of Mohammed. - Don Quixote.
 
5. That's life in the big city...you can crawl into a real hurtbag.
 
6. That's why pencils have erasers.

7. You're kicking an open door!
 
8. It's a bit like selling ice to eskimos.
 
9. It's like shipping sand to the Sahara.
 
10. It's like carrying coal to Newcastle.

11. It's like shipping beer to Milwaukee.
 
12. I'll be a monkey's uncle!
 
13. My virgin grandmother!
 
14. He's so lucky, he could sh-- in a swinging bucket.
 
15. ...aaand people in hell want icewater.
 
16. Slicker'n whale snot.
 
17. If ignorance is bliss, that guy must be delirious.
 
18. His language was more colorful than a baboon's a--.
 
19. Tighter than a camel's a-- in a sandstorm.
 
20. Tighter than a nun on Easter Sunday.
 
21. Tight like prom night.
 
22. Colder than a witch's t-- in a brass bra.
 
23. That's drier than a popcorn fart!
 
24. That's drier than a cork leg. (?)
 
25. That's as gay as old Dad's hatband.
 
26. Sh-- in one hand and hope in the other, and see which one gets filled faster.
 
27. If (something good happens), I'll be sh---ing in high cotten.
 
28. Well sh--  fire and save matches!
 
29. He took the express train through childhood.
 
30. That's better 'n a piece a haywire.
 
31. That (vehicle/farm equipment) couldn't pull a drunk whore off the camode.
 
32. He/she was born with a silver spoon in his mouth.
 

33. That's why pencils have erasers.

34. If you can't find 'em, grind 'em. (stick shift gears)

35. Wakey-wakey, eggs and bac-ee!

36. Passed him up like a dirty shirt!

37. Way to go C+.

38. That's a doozy! (Duesenberg car)

39. On a galloping horse, who can tell?

40. He/she's all wool and a yard wide. (a person of quality)

41. Dull as a sack of hammers.

42. Till Hell wouldn’t have it. (an oft repeated offense)

43. Wearing out your shoe leather. (walking a lot.)

44. Cutting off your nose to spite your face. (Saying "no" to something that you really like, just for spite or to be contrary.)

45. Make hay while the sun shines.

46. Take the bull by the horns.

47. Don't put all of your eggs in one basket.

48. I didn't know they piled sh- - that high!

49. I'm not broke. I'm just badly bent.

50. If you break where you crack, you'll be short. (re: farting)

51. If that's supper, roll on breakfast.

52. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

53. Slower than molasses in January.

54. You'll have your head in your hands to play with.

58. All speed and no direction.

59. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

60. Take the bitter with the better.

61. You gotta take the good with the bad.

62. Do the MATH!

63. That's the theory!

64. You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish.

65. Where's the fire?

66. Sold American!

67. Where's the beef?

68. You got time to lean, you got time to clean. (Fast food gospel)

69. Bank on it!

70. I yam what I yam. (Popeye)

71. Fail! (Internet)

72. Twenty-one or SKIDDOO! (or "You must be 21 or over to enter here please.")

73. "I love the smell of napalm in the morning!" (Movie, Vietnam War).

74. As handsome as the north end of a southbound camel.

75. Be good. If you can't be good, (a) be careful; (b) don't get caught!

76. Don't sweat the petty stuff and don't pet the sweaty stuff.

77. (So and so) didn't come down in the last hailstorm!" (meaning: not stupid, naive or inexperienced".)

78. Confucius say: "Man who fish in other man's well - risk catching crabs."

79. Confucius say: "Girl and boy who go camping together, bound to have some hidden in tent."

80. Confucius say: "Passionate kiss like spider web. Soon lead to fly's undoing."

81. Confucius say: "Man who run in front of car - get tired. Man who run behind car - get exhausted."

82. Confucius say: "Woman who keep husband in doghouse - eventually find him in cathouse."

83. When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you!

84.

 

 

 

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